And then my tongue hurts from where I bit it. I bit it because my airbag hit my face with ferocity and in a surprise attack. And once I am cognizant of the fact that my airbag has hit my face I hear my mind say, "here we go again".
Some silly young girl has gone through her red light and hit my car - I am spun through two lanes of tracking into the road traversing mine.
My car is written off.
I am in a daze, I am shaking but I am alive and for all intents and purposes pretty good save multiple bruises, a few minor lacerations/contusions and whiplash.
My first call is to him.
It always is.
The next few days he is solicitous and will not leave my side.
And then it all becomes too much for him and he says he is going to spend a few days at home.
And then he avoids me.
And now what hurts is not my neck, or my hip, or my head or my legs; it's my heart that hurts - again.
But I do it to myself every time.
How many Internet platitudes have I read in the last month that remind me that I cannot make someone love me, That I need to set him free and if it was meant to be, he'll come back to me?
I think I've read them all. I'm sure I've re-posted many of them on Facebook myself.
I try to insinuate myself into his life again.
I remind him that Christmas is an open invitation. He tells me he is not sure he would want to commit to that.
He wants to move into a rooming house again or find a room to rent somewhere.
He would rather take a million steps back and live in the squalor and filth where he was living when I first met him rather than be with me.
Squalor and filth are better than me.
This accident really hurt my heart.